The Tricky Thing About Purpose: You Can't Chase It
What has been really driving me crazy lately has been the topic of purpose. Mostly because I feel like I don't have one, at least I haven't found it yet. And here is my negative ego nagging at the back of my neck saying "hey look around you everyone else has a purpose, and you aren't doing anything with your life- you are basically taking up space".
It's been a tough few years. I thought that moving to another state to obtain a master's degree would give me a sense of purpose. I thought moving to another country to volunteer for two years would give me a sense of purpose. I thought moving back to my hometown would give me a sense of purpose. And when I search for jobs and a career all I think is "maybe if I just move and start over I'll find a sense of purpose". I started this blog, put it down, felt guilty for that- reminded myself not to feel guilty, and picked it back up.. ugh the range of emotions.
I've come to realize what I am doing is running. Running because I don't trust myself to sit still. I don't trust my higher power to guide me in the direction I should be going, I just cliff dive before listening. Not to say all of these decisions were mistakes. But, they were the hard way. They were lessons.
If all of this sounds remotely familiar I am here to tell you to STOP IT. Silent those voices because you've got this, even if you don't have it all the way that's okay. If you are struggling with your sense of purpose I recommend these three inner self-reflective reminders/questions.
1. What brings me joy and how can I embody that in my everyday life?
We get so wrapped up in careers, jobs, and money we often forget that doesn't always have to be our purpose. Though great if it is! Sometimes our jobs can fund our purpose that is great too! Remember that whatever brings you joy fuels you, never stop doing it because you can't afford to. Let's find a way to fund your passion and eventually turn it into something you can do forever.
2. Am I trusting myself enough to do the things I love?
Sometimes fear holds us back. We worry about "Am I doing this perfectly?" "What if those I love reject my efforts?" "What if I fail?" "What if I succeed?" Do you know what all of these things have in common? Not only are they all based out of fear, but they are also connected to the outcome. What holds us back from moving all the way forward with something tends to be our constant worry on how things will end up. Let's make a promise to enjoy the ride before we commit to already envisioning the pain of the destination.
3. Can I sit in silence?
This one is hard for me. Before you disregard this question let me tell you the importance of it. Sitting in silence with yourself and/or your higher power and doing the work will bring you closer to finding your purpose. What do I mean by "doing the work?" I mean shifting from looking for a career and looking for a calling. I mean allowing yourself the space to be authentic and try new things- even if you fail you congratulate yourself, move on and try something. Provide yourself the silence you need to be creative, kind, and compassionate to yourself and others and this will allow you to sit instead of run. Progress not perfection for me.
Recently I signed up for a life coaching certification course, determined to add to my purpose. The minute I submitted my payment I was looking for ways to back out. Who was I to help others with goals, aspirations, and advice when I couldn't even commit to myself? But here's the thing- I am worthy of trusting my intuition, of following a path- my gut and trying something new.
I am not sure how it will turn out but I have to trust that I will be okay in the process and that is me not attaching myself to the outcome and leaning into the present moment.
Maybe my purpose is to wander through this crazy life supporting those who I come in contact with.
Or maybe this is all just an opportunity for myself to grow? Either way- I am ready to find out!