Advice People In Relationships Need to Stop Telling Their Single Friends
Updated: Apr 15, 2020
My dating life is far from perfect. Friday nights for me look like a big glass of red wine and an 80's romantic comedy that elevates my standards of love.
But what really irritates me is everyone else's opinion on how I should navigate this complicated era we single folks have found ourselves in.
Here is some poor advice I am tired of hearing from my friends that are in relationships.
Advice People Need to Stop Telling Their Single Friends
1. Don't have sex too soon, they will lose interest in you.
This has always bothered me. The decision to have sex with someone is extremely personal and does not determine how interesting you are. Your body does not define your self-worth. Sure sex is fun and an important aspect of a relationship but it is not the most interesting aspect. Sex is personal, don't let others comment on when, how or why you shouldn't or should be doing it.
2. If you stop looking you'll find them.
Ew. I hate this one. As a single person, you hear this so much. "Oh, it wasn't until I stopped looking when I found so-and-so." Now, I am glad that worked out for you but this is honestly terrible advice. Not only is it annoying for those of us who enjoy going out on dates and meeting people but it also just hurtful. Maybe we like the idea of opening up our hearts to finding a partner or maybe some of us struggle with that, telling us to stop is belittling.
3. If you're a girl don't text first.
This one tricked me for a long time and to be honest, I still catch myself falling back into it. What if I say something stupid in my opening line, they will hate me FOREVER. Wrong! Just be yourself. Communication is important as I get older and healthier I say that more and more. It really doesn't matter who texted first, as long as you respond when you can. Leaving someone on 'read' or hanging unnecessarily is damaging. #nogames
4. Asking to define the relationship too early will scare them away.
This piece of advice doesn't really make me angry but it does confuse me. When I hear it I just want to ask- but why? Here I am ready to commit but shouldn't tell them? If I am ready to be with someone I should be able to be open and honest with those feelings. I don't want to be that person who holds back, keeps secrets and lies about who they are, and I don't want my partner to be with that person. So if I scare them away with that honesty- bye!
5. You have to love yourself first.
Bullshit. Self-love isn't linear, it's ever-growing. It's something you will continuously work on throughout your life and if you are waiting until you 'achieve everlasting' love for yourself to allow yourself the opportunity to love someone else you will be waiting forever. Holding back from dating because you don't feel perfect or too messy is a form of self-hate and ridicule that we need to stop telling people to do.
6. You need to put yourself out there.
Stop with this. You are not the determining factor of whether we are putting ourselves out there enough. I do the things I enjoy doing which means I am putting myself out there. My heart is open and Just because I am single does not mean I have to go to places I do not enjoy in the hopes of meeting someone. For example, I don't like bars or night clubs which means you probably won't see me there. I like yoga classes, book stores, long bike rides, hiking, coffee shops, and occasional wine night with my girlfriends. Is the potential of me meeting someone there slim, sure, is that your business, no.
Don't get me wrong, I value my couple friends and I love their relationships. But I also love where I am at in life.
I've traveled, lived overseas, I love the choices I've made with my education, I've had great sex, had bad sex, found out who I was and am still finding out parts of me that are fun and exciting to share. I also understand you can do all of those things with someone else- I have just chosen not too. So please let me figure it out and stop giving me advice unless I ask you for it- I promise I'm okay.